Oneshot files
by AuthorRichard
Summary: Collection of Omakes and short ficlets. Harry/Hermione, Harry/Luna, Harry/Luna/Hermione, Harry/many. Weasely/Dumbledore/McGonagall/Snape bashing. Please review!
1. Omake for Rejected:Hermione back in time

Omake for Rejected: Hermione back in time

Hermione woke from her... dream? Nightmare? Vision?

Hermione now knew one thing with certainty. She would not, _could not _ let Harry down. She would be there for him when he needed her. She might also kill Ronald Weasely at some point, but that could wait for a more convenient time.

Then another thought hit her... Luna. Luna had been there for Harry when she had abandoned him. Luna loved Harry, and Luna's love for Harry was quite possibly stronger than her own. Luna might not end up trapped in an abusive sham of a marriage as she had been, but neither would she find the happiness that she had found with Harry

Hermione would not let that happen! She might be the only person Harry thought of romantically, but he was a teenage boy, even if he didn't always like to admit it. She would have Luna _and _Harry, and she would make sure that she was there when the Snorkacks were found.

A year later, Harry, Hermione, and Luna were married in a three-way ceremony, and once again, Hedwig was resurrected as phoenix when the dursley-induced bindings on Harry's magic broke. Hermione was happy that this time, her first marriage was the right one.

They'd found the Snorkacks, stumbled across the Flamels, and were throwing themselves into the study of warding.

All was well.


	2. Omake for Rejected: Luna back in time

Omake for Rejected: Luna back in time

Luna woke up.

Well, if Hermione was going to choose the traitor over the hero, then she was free to pursue Harry.

She checked the date... October 30th 1994. Perfect. She went to track down Harry.

"Hello Harry Potter"

"uh, do I know you?"

"Not yet, but I have something important to tell you. Tomorrow is Halloween, and since something has happened to you every Halloween since you've started Hogwarts, well you might be wondering what's going to happen this year."

"My name's going to come out of the Goblet, isn't it? I was hoping for a quiet year, one where I could fade into the background, but being forced to participate in this stupid tournament would pretty much kill any hopes of that."

"I knew that you were smarter than your grades suggested. Now all you need to remember is that while someone might be able to trick the Goblet into spitting an extra name out, forcing it to bind you against your will is almost impossible."

**The next day**

"Harry, you must compete, or risk losing your magic"

"I don't think so. Like I already said, I didn't enter my name. The rules may say that I have to compete, but I did not enter my name and so am not bound by them. I also think that whoever is responsible for this would have only been able to confound the goblet into spitting my name out, but binding me into a magical contract is quite another thing."

The argument had gone on for a while – and Barty Crouch Jr had become distracted, and the polyjuice had worn off.

At this point, Harry insisted that the aurors be called in. Whilst Dumbledore protested, the heads of Beauxbatons and Durmstrang, along with the ministry officials present agreed with Harry's stance. Amelia Bones began a thorough investigation.

Alastor Moody was found and freed. Dumbledore was suspended as Headmaster for his role in trying to force Harry to participate in a dangerous competition.

Ron first yelled at Harry for entering his name without also allowing Ron to enter his name, and then when he found that Harry wasn't going to be competing, yelled at him for not competing for the glory of Gryffindor and Hogwarts.

After the Yule Ball, Luna, with Harry's help performed a ritual using the soul piece in Ravenclaw's diadem to cause the chain destruction of all of Voldemort's Horcruxes. An interesting side effect of the form that Voldemort was in at that moment allowed him to drain the life and magic of his marked followers to sustain him. Unfortunately for him, this only lasted minutes before all his followers were dead.

Hermione was... confused. Harry hadn't talked to Ron much since the Halloween incident. She'd tried to reconcile them, but it seemed that Harry didn't want to be reconciled, and her efforts had only succeeded in driving Harry away from her.

She'd expected this to cause Harry's grades to fall, and he'd come back when he was struggling and needed her help, but instead his grades had been improving. He even seemed to be happier, but that wasn't entirely unexpected, given that the investigation that had started with the suspension of Dumbledore had caused Snape to be sent to Azkaban. More surprisingly, Poppy Pomfrey had lost her position, and been replaced with Andromeda Tonks who had promptly started treating Harry's malnutrition, and Professor McGonagall had been stripped of the Deputy Headmistress and head of Gryffindor positions, and been replaced by in those positions by Professor Sinistra and Professor Vector respectively. Possibly the biggest surprise was when the supposedly dead Nicolas Flamel had turned up unexpectedly and offered his services as a potions instructor.

Then at the Yule ball, he's shown up with Luna Lovegood, of all people. She was _really_ beginning to regret turning Neville (who seemed to have attracted something of a harem since) down and going with Ron.

After the Yule ball, all the marked Death Eaters had dropped dead. Peter Pettigrew's body had been found, and Sirius's name had been cleared. Sirius was getting some professional healing to counteract the years in Azkaban, and he was free to take guardianship of Harry, though with Albus Dumbledore's manipulations, both Amelia Bones and Andromeda Tonks had offered their homes for the summer, and Luna had invited him on an expedition taking place in the Easter holidays.

Ron had been annoying Hermione more and more, and without the buffering presence of Harry, it wasn't long before Ron pushed her to her breaking point. This caused her to remember that really, she and Ron had never been good friends, but had just tolerated each other for Harry.

After school started again in January, Harry's grades were shooting up. After he beat her on a History of magic essay, of all things. She was going to apologise to Harry for trying to force him into a reconciliation with Ron. Her apology was accepted by Harry – in truth he hadn't been avoiding her, but because he was avoiding Ron, who she was spending time with, it had seemed like it. Soon she was studying with Harry and Luna – Luna having tested into the fourth year classes.

Soon enough, an argument broke out about the existence of crumple-horned snorkacks. Somehow, the result was a bet between Hermione and Luna. If Luna could find a Snorkack over Easter, Hermione would offer herself as Harry's concubine. If Hermione won, Luna would offer herself as Harry's concubine.

Luna, Harry and Xeno had found a Snorkack on their expedition over Easter, so Luna won the bet. Now Luna and Harry didn't want to force Hermione into anything, but Hermione was happy to uphold her end of the bet. "Just be a good wife for him, Luna". Luna wondered if Hermione knew more than she let on.


	3. Omake for Rejected: Harry back in time

Omake for Rejected: Harry back in time

"Hermione, stop and think! Yes, the Weasely's have lost one of their children, but what about my losses? Do you care so little for me that you have already forgotten what I've lost?"

Hermione did as Harry said, and stopped to think. Sirius Black, Albus Dumbledore, Hedwig, Remus Lupin, Nymphadora Tonks, Fred Weasely, and James and Lily Potter. And she'd been planning to reject him, just to avoid disappointing Molly Weasely. Who knew what a rejection would do to harry in his current state?

"Will you come with me Harry? To help find my parents?"

"Yes I will, just as soon as we've made sure that Teddy is being well looked after."

**A/N: **This harry only went a few days back in time, he hadn't built any sort of relationship with Luna at that point.

**Alternative:**

"I am not going to compete in this tournament. I did not enter my name, and so I am not bound to compete, although the person who entered me might be. Besides, preparing for the tournament would seriously disrupt my harem building plans for this year."

A quick ritual later, and the scar fragment in his soul was disposed of, killing Voldemort and all his marked followers in the process.

By the time the Yule Ball had come around, Harry had succeeded in his harem endeavour, and was with Luna Lovegood, Hermione Granger, Hannah Abbot and Susan Bones.

The compulsions preventing Professor Flitwick from investigating and dealing with bullying in Ravenclaw house had been discovered and removed. Professor Flitwick then used Albus Dumbledore to demonstrate why he had been a duelling champion. The aurors arrested what was left of Dumbledore after this, and he was unable to use Fawkes to escape, since harry had broken the dark magic bindings.

McGonagall had been sacked for her failure as Deputy Headmistress and head of Gryffindor House, and then arrested for her wilful complicity in Dumbledore's schemes.

Poppy Pomfrey was arrested for her part in covering up Harry's abuse, and multiple violations of her Healer's Oaths.

Ron and Ginny were expelled in disgrace after their lust and love potion plot went terribly wrong, and lead to them demonstrating just how much they wanted to keep the Weasely line pure.


	4. Hermione learns from Lavender

Wherein Hermione is taught a Lesson by Lavender

Takes place in sixth year.

"I can't believe the nerve of that boy, playing hard to get with me!"

"Hermione, did you really think that Harry would still be there waiting for you once your bizarre crush on Ron disappeared? Once you made it clear that you wanted nothing more to do with Harry, did you really think that no other witch would make a move on him. He turned down your invitation to the Spring ball because he's already got a date, you moron."

"But who? I would surely have noticed if Harry started dating someone!."

"The only girl in Hogwarts who sees him only as Harry, and not the 'Boy-Who-Lived'."

"I do that!"

"No, you don't. You do see Harry as Harry, but you also see the 'Boy-Who-Lived'. Remember what you said to him on the train here when you met him before first year?"

"But I've known him for over five years since that!"

"True, but I didn't say that your view of him was significantly tainted by the 'Boy-Who-Lived' fame, just that the taint, however slight it might be, is present in your perception of him."

"But there's no else it could be... Unless, did he start dating Ginny?"

"Ginny? After I tell you that it's a girl who sees him as he really is, the first girls that comes to your mind is a rabid 'Boy-Who-Lived' fangirl?"

"But there's no one else it could be. The only girl he's been on any kind of date with recently in Luna, but they were only going to Slughorn's party as friends, and there's no way that there was ever anything more to it."

"You are, of course, spectacularly. Yes, Harry only asked Luna to Slughorn's party as friends, but he was rather clueless, no doubt in part to being raised by people who despised his very existence. Luna wanted more, and after that party, she dragged Harry into a broom closet. They may have started the night as 'just friends', but they were certainly more than that by the end of the night."

"Luna, Harry's dating _Luna?_? Why wouldn't he tell me?"

"You've been making it rather clear to everyone that you wanted nothing to do with him. Harry and Luna aren't hiding their relationship, but neither have they made any conscious attempt to advertise it. They just _are. _And just how you managed to overlook a black family engagement ring on Luna's finger is entirely beyond me."


	5. Meeting Death

This was intended to be a parody of the Reptilia28 challenge, but it ended up turning out differently to what I expected.

"What are you doing here, _again_?"

"Uh, who are you, and where am I?"

"I, Mr Potter, am your assigned death. And you have now died twenty-eight times! One more unauthorized death from you, and I'll be fired!"

"If I've died before, why don't I remember it?"

"Oh, we usually wipe your memories, of course. Can't have mortals knowing too much about the workings of the afterlife, after all."

"So, what happens now?"

"Right,so, the problem is that bloody prophecy that fate let slip through, and that idiot destiny let Tom Marvolo Riddle access to knowledge of horcruxes. You see, you were supposed to get together with your soul mate, some Granger girl, deal with Voldemort, and live to over two hundred. But no, you have to keep dying. You were starved to death twice by the Dursleys, beaten to death by a Vernon Dursley twice, drowned once after falling out of the boat Hagrid took you in – that man should not be casting with a broken wand, clubbed to death by a troll, wasted away looking into the mirror of erised, eaten by Fluffy, sacrificed in a chess game by Ronald Weasely – why you didn't just fly over the set using the brooms from the previous room is beyond me, killed by Quirrel, killed accidentally by Albus Dumbledore when he attacked Quirrel, beaten to death again by Vernon Dursley after Dobby cast a hover charm, crashed in a flying car -just what were you thinking?, killed by the basilisk's gaze, killed by an overpowered memory charm from Lockhart, killed by being bitten by a Basilisk, kissed by dementors on the Hogwarts express, being killed by a surprise attack from Peter Pettigrew, eaten by a Hungarian horntail, killed by angry merpeople, killed by Voldemort in the graveyard, kissed by dementors sent by umbridge, death from extreme blood loss due use of a blood quill – the only way we got past that one was to influence Dobby into slipping blood-replenishing potions into your food, running through the veil in the Department of Mysteries, killed by Severus Snape in a DADA lesson, and most recently, Ronald Weasely gets the bright idea to claim all the credit for himself and hits you in the back with a killing curse and tries to kill Voldemort himself!"

"Wait, Hermione's my soul mate, are you sure?"

"You didn't think it was that red-headed harlot, did you? She's come close to killing you with love potion overdose several times."

"No, we found out about the plots of that conniving slut and her bitch of a mother. No, me and Hermione have been fighting over Luna Lovegood."

"So as I was saying, since this is your last death, you're going to be allowed to keep your memories and go back in time, where you'll use that knowledge to deal with Voldemort, and marry your soul mate."

"Didn't I just tell you that it was Luna that I was interested in?"

"You did, but Hermione is your soul mate, and you must marry her. As Dumbledore would say 'It's for the greater good, my boy'"

"And just what will happen to Luna?"

"Oh, she's destined to fall into a loveless marriage with an abusive husband. She'll commit suicide before thirty, nothing that you need to worry about."

"And you think that I'm going to let that happen, just because you say that Hermione is my soul mate? You give me a horrible life, expect me to deal with the most powerful dark wizard Europe has seen in the last three centuries, and now you want me to let Luna, the woman that I love, be that unhappy. I refuse, I won't do it. Voldemort should never have been my responsibility in the first place, Dumbledore and others that should have responsible should have taken on the burden."

"Well, you can blame Dumbledore for most of that, but marrying your soul mate _is_ your reward."

"I can also blame you. Now the way I see it, with all its done to me, the universe owes me one, yes?"

"Uh, let me check. Yes, it does."

"Then I have a few demands that I want you to agree to before I'll go back. First, you should let Regulus Black live, so the horcruxes can be dealt with that much earlier."

"Let me see. Yes, that looks like a good choice, and it seems doable with only some minor alterations. So if we do this, Sirius reconciles with his brother, and that leads to your parents living. It does, however, end up leading to the death of Remus Lupin and the imprisonment of Albus Dumbledore."

"Who gives a fuck about the coward of a werewolf who couldn't be bothered to check up on me or the old goat botherer. I bet that the educational standards at Hogwarts will improve without Albus 'it's for the greater good, my boy' Dumbledore' as headmaster."

"I can't tell you that. Now, I think you'll be happy to know that this will allow you to get together with Miss Lovegood. Of course, it's never that simple, and you might well also get together with Miss Granger still. Now, your childhood will be enormously different, you'll receive your past memories on your 11th Birthday."

"Hermione and Luna need to have their memories back as well, otherwise it'll be kind of creepy."

"A reasonable request, we'll be able to do that."

"Then I agree, I'll go back."

Flashback: The day before the final battle

Harry, me and Hermione are willing to share. But if you ever meet an annoyed death, you must tell them that you and Hermione have been fighting over me. And remember, the death of Regulus Black was a nexus point.


	6. Fleur's Curse Breaker Training

Fleur's Curse Breaker Training

"I have some artifacts similar to this. If you will allow me to cast a spell on you, we can see if you are truly bound by an unbreakable magical contract to compete."

"Sure, anything to get out of this bloody tournament"

Fleur cast a mage sight charm on herself, followed by diagnostic spells on both Harry and the Goblet of Fire.

"There are indeed four people linked to the Goblet as competitors, but Harry is not among them. It seems, however, that Professor Moody is. The three of us are connected, but not bound. Since Moody is bound, I would guess that he tried to force Harry's name in under a fourth school. He intended to enter Harry into a contest with four champions, but magic is not so easily fooled, and he ended up being bound himself. We are not bound, since it was our intent to enter a contest with three champions, so the selection of a fourth champion invalidated the magical contract."

The next day...

"Harry, when I examined you, I saw some things that were very out of place and quite worrying. This is Gerald Delacour, my cousin and the man who trained me in curse breaking techniques over the summer, and I've asked him to look over you to confirm what I suspect."

Gerald waved his wand at Harry a few times before muttering "It's even worse than you thought, looks like it's a good thing Amelia Bones accepted my invitation to perform a diagnostic ritual, several of these will definitely need the attention of law enforcement."


	7. Lonely Luna

Lonely Luna

Harry was wandering aimlessly through the corridors of Hogwarts, something that he'd taken to doing after he'd been abandoned by his friends. Ron had been revealed as having been paid from the time he first met him to pretend to be Harry's friend, and Hermione – he'd tried to remain friends, but her near fanatical defence of Dumbledore after everything had been revealed was just too much.

He heard sobbing coming from one of the classrooms and went to investigate. He was somewhat surprised to see that it was Hermione muttering to herself "I've been so awful, she'll never forgive me".

She? Harry hadn't realised that Hermione had any close female friends. Despite her fanatical devotion to certain authority figures, he still wanted to be her friend, so he embraced her in a hug and tried to comfort her.

"Hermione, what are you upset about?"

"Oh Harry, I'm sorry, so sorry"

"Shh, it's okay. Tell me why you're so upset."

/sniff/ "The aurors were doing some more questioning of McGonagall to find out what else she'd done. Amelia Bones showed up with a groups of healers and unspeakables to look at me. The healers found compulsion charms, loyalty potions, love potions and evidence of other means of control. The unspeakables found that none of my possessions had remained unmolested – even my wand had charms cast on it. Then they found that I'd been obliviated on many occasions."

"They found a few on me as well, mostly about me finding ways to escape from the Dursleys, what were yours?"

"It started in first year, I found out about the philosopher's stone multiple times, and even managed to contact Nicolas Flamel who told me the stone in Hogwarts must be a fake. Then in second year, I worked out that it was a Basilisk attacking the students, and even guessed the location of the entrance to the chamber, and got so far as telling Professor Flitwick, but he was obliviated too. It was in third year that the real trouble started. I'd been looking for information on Sirius Black, and I found out that he'd never had a trial. Then I found a law that could have been used to prevent Buckbeak's execution.

It was after the argument with you and the walking stomach about your firebolt that McGonagall was first actively involved.. See, I was in the library and I met a second year ravenclaw who was as lonely as I was at the time and I ended up making friends with her. , and McGonagall wasn't happy with my relationship with her."

"Why not?"

"Possibly because she provided a link to wizarding society for me other than Ron – they'd been feeding me love potions since early in our first year, that's why I was so upset before the troll incident, and the fact that her family aren't blind Dumbledore devotees. I'm sure that's why Dumbledore backed her up, anyway. But I'm sure that one of her personal reasons was the nature of my relationship with her."

"I'm not sure that I follow, what do you mean by the nature of your relationship?"

"I kissed a girl,... and I liked it" whispered Hermione, worried about possible reactions from Harry.

"It's alright Hermione, I enjoyed kissing a girl too"

"And then every month or so since then, I'd get back together with her for a few days, then I'd be caught and obliviated, but her mind is resistant to mental manipulation, so she's remembered every time, but still she'd get back together with me and enjoy those few days before being caught. The last time it happened I promised that I'd go to the Yule ball with her."

"Uh, Hermione, is her name Luna by any chance?"

"Yes it is, how did you know?"

"I'm sorry Hermione, I didn't know, and I asked her to the Yule ball myself, and she said yes"

"oh,...I'd hoped that,... nevermind"

Hermione and Harry were both surprised by another pair of arms wrapping around them

"oh, Hermione, I know that you wanted to go to the Yule ball with me, but as a third year, I need a date in fourth year or above,and though I'd have been happy for you to take me, you started suffering from another severe case of wrackspurts again, and I'm afraid that the rules simply don't allow for it, so I hope you don't mind sharing me with Harry."

"No, I'm just happy that you're not angry with me after everything I've done"

"You know that I know that wasn't you, but was instead a you suffering from a severe wrackspurt infestation."

"It's not just that. I want to make them suffer. Azkaban is too good for them, so I've designed a runic amulet that will inflict a continuous low-level version of the cruciatus curse – a level just low enough that there will be no escaping into madness for them."

Harry shivered and Luna said "Oh, Hermione, did you really believe that I wasn't aware of your inclinations towards the dark, just as Harry is inclined towards the light"

"But that makes me a bad person"

"Dumbledore was a light wizard, yet he was evil to the core, you are a dark witch, and yet on the side of good. Me and Harry will provide an anchor to prevent you falling to the dark, and you and me will anchor Harry to prevent him falling to the light."

"What do you mean by that? I know dark magic is said to be corruptive, but I haven't even really heard of light magic"

"You wouldn't have done, after Dumbledore's efforts to suppress knowledge about it. People can become 'light lords' and end up doing harm on a small scale, since they're so rarely in a position of any significant power, and even then, the harm they do tends to be long lasting and subtle, usually done because they're convinced it's necessary for some sort of 'greater good', whereas the damage dark lords do is more obvious, and the harm they cause is immediately obvious. When you start to use too much dark magic, or Harry too much light magic, I'll be there with other one to pull you back. Not that it's likely to happen to you – truly falling to the light or dark side of magic is very rare – Dumbledore and Voldemort being the only two examples in the last century of European history - even Grindelwald did not fall to the dark, the healing magic he used on his troops being sufficient to stop him.

On a completely different subject, now that McGonagall is gone, I hope it will be possible to stop the girls in my dorm bullying me."

"What does McGonagall being gone have to do with that? Should that have been Professor Flitwick's job?"

"Professor Flitwick is male, so it wouldn't have been considered appropriate for him to supervise the girls dormitories, so the job fell to McGonagall, but she delighted in watching me suffer and after the first time she caught me with you, it got much worse, she started active encouraging the other girls in my dorm to bully me. No, Professor Flitwick did the best he could, but with the Headmaster and Deputy Headmistress both wanting me to suffer, there wasn't a huge amount he could do, and we do have him and Professor Vector to thank for getting the investigations rolling."

**Author's Note:**

There's plenty of Weasely, Dumbledore and Snape bashing around, but virtually no bashing of McGonagall, who in my view, deserves it just as much. As head of Gryffindor, she was the one was person who had the greatest duty to care for Harry, and yet she failed miserably.


	8. The Real Cost Of The Blood Protections

Harry was in the library reading in attempt to avoid everyone.

He'd come across a book on sacrificial rituals for protection, and he was reading about a ritual with the name _sacrificium parentum amore_ that had requirements that would have been fulfilled the night Voldemort killed his parents. The requirements were quite specific. One parent first had to die in battle against the enemy, and then the enemy must offer to spare the other parent, who must offer their life in the place of the child's. So it seemed he'd found how he'd survived.

Now he read the notes on the aftermath of the ritual. The book noted that the protection could be maintained by performing a series of spells to anchor the protections to the home of a close blood relative, and have the child live with them. However, there was a further note that explained that this should only be a very short term magic, because not only did the protections drain the child's magic to power themselves, but the power of the protections came mostly from love, and so to maintain themselves, they drained any love that others felt for the child, and the strength of this drain was dependent on the distance from the house the blood protections were anchored to, and the distance from the child.

This seemed to explain a lot. The Dursleys got hit with the full force of the drain, and they disliked him, so with any sort of love for him being drained from them, it's no surprise that what might have been an unloving environment to grow up in had turned into an abusive one. It also explained why Hermione seemed to like him more when she wrote him letters over the summer - she was away from him, so the force of the drain was less. Ginny didn't like him, she was just obsessed by the boy-who-lived. McGonagall wouldn't help him, because without any sort of love or compassion, helping him in any way was just an inconvenience. Snape disliked him because of his father, but again, because of the effects of the protections, any sort of qualities that Snape might like about him were ignored. Luna seemed to like him, but he suspected that she was a seer and was acting on what she saw that she should be feeling, rather than on what she was actually feeling. Dumbledore wouldn't help him escape from Durzkaban because he wanted Harry there for some reason, and with any compassion for Harry drained from him, he had no reason to care about any abuse Harry received. But what about Hagrid? He seemed to like Harry well enough, but then Harry found another note that those with significant non-human ancestry would not be affected, or were affected to a much lesser degree. So that explained why Flitwick was nicer to him than the other teachers were. And who better to remove this charm than the Hogwarts Charms Professor?

But why were the other Wesasleys nice to him? It could only be because they wanted something. He'd have to be careful. Hermione? Well, maybe the life debt mitigated the effect, or maybe there was too much love there for the protections to be able to drain all of it.

Harry was lost in thought on his way to Flitwick's office, re-examining the motivations of everyone he knew, when Luna grabbed him and dragged him into a broom closet.

Well, a short delay would't hurt.


End file.
